WHY SPANKING IS HARMFUL AND INEFFECTIVE
The Discussion
Have you ever witnessed a dog that has been hit by man? It is gut wrenching. Should the man even raise his arm, even offer so much as a gesture of movement toward the animal, the animal cowers and cringes, anticipating the blow of man's hand.
When I was little, I often spent time with my slightly older cousins. When they would come over to our house, they were forced to all lie down on the floor like dogs. If any one of them moved, they were struck hard by their father, quickly returning them to their positions on the ground.
That is my earliest memory of a human reacting to physical punishment. Years later, when I first saw a little dog do it at the threat of a strike from its owner, I thought back to my cousins and realized that every living creature responds the same to the raw fear of intentionally delivered, physical pain. They cower, cringe, pull into themselves, and if scared enough, will even lose bladder control,
peeing themselves. Although surely such an act would only bring on more punishment.
The age old question steeped in religious practice of "spare the rod and spoil the child" has been a long discussed debate. Recently, though, it has grown in importance and awareness, as child experts try to determine what, if any, benefits arise from it and more importantly, what damage results from its practice.
My question is even more complex. Does hitting a child benefit either party in any way other than making the parent feel better by serving as an outlet for their anger? Does it also serve to secure in their minds the obvious fact that they are the bigger, stronger one? Does it indeed drive home the lesson to the unsuspecting child, or is the point lost in the shock of delivery of physical pain? Is the moment remembered for the hitting itself or for the reason behind it? And does a child beaten grow up to dish it out themselves to their own offspring? Furthermore, what's the danger, if any? How many hospital visits occur each year as a result of a spanking that grew out of control and became dangerous? And finally, is there a better way to ensure the lesson is not lost?
When I became a mother I vowed to never hit my kids. I grew up with a loving father who regularly became angry and subsequently violent with me. I remember curling up in a ball to avoid his swings, or pretending that I had passed out to put a stop to it. I wasn't a particularly bad kid, my father just had a temper, and I was a feisty kid. The last time he hit me was one evening when he thought I had lied to him about plans to go see a career counselor while in my last year of high school. I got so mad as the discussion heated up, that I finally yelled through red, hot tears, "I hate you!" As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I was in deep trouble. I turned and speed stepped it out the front door. He caught me at the end of our driveway.
"WHAT did you say to me?!?" Those were the last words I heard before I felt the searing, burning slap across my face that instantly sucked the air out of my lungs and sent a hearty spray of fresh, red blood across the white driveway. I was 17, an A+ student, headed to college a semester early. Most of all, though, I was no longer a child. I was a young woman, which made this event even more devastating and memorable. It was the last time my father ever hit me.
I reserved that twisted honor for my second boyfriend in college. Much older than I and an alcoholic, his violence toward me seemed eerily familiar. It wasn't until after a few incidences that I realized, "I'm dating my father," and got out as soon as I could, before I was seriously hurt. That poses another question. Does corporal punishment lead to violence in our adult relationships as well? It seems logical, after all. No matter how bad the familiar, it is still, well, familiar, and there will always be at least a small level of comfort in things we recognize.
The history of corporal punishment is familiar to almost all of us. It began with the advent of the rebellious child and has continued within families from all countries, all economic backgrounds, all cultures and all religions. Until recently, however, it was a matter kept behind the tightly closed doors of the individual family. It was a sort of a style choice by the parents, as simple as circumcision or holiday rituals that were typically passed down through the generations.
"Why do you hit your kids?"
"Because my parents hit me. And look at me. I turned out ok!" (Well you probably did. You probably do know the difference between right and wrong and won't be caught robbing a liquor store. Just one thing though: you probably also hit your kids.)
What does the recent focus on the subject tell us? Does hitting a child teach them between right and wrong? Or does it perpetuate more violence? I once was sitting with my best friend, who is now grown, with our own small children. As her five year old son sat next to her, he began to act up. It escalated and finally he reached over and slapped his mom in the arm.
"Don't hit me!!" She spat incredulously, and she reached out and slapped him back. Now am I alone in seeing the lack of logic here? It certainly removes the mystery of where he might have picked up that behavior in the first place.
The Studies
In a large-scale meta-analysis of 88 studies, conducted over the course of 62 years of documented cases, psychologist Elizabeth Thompson Gershoff, PhD, of the National Center for Children in Poverty at Columbia University, looked at both positive and negative behaviors in children that were associated with corporal punishment.
While conducting the meta-study, Gershoff looked for associations between parental use of corporal punishment and 11 child behaviors and experiences, including several in childhood (immediate compliance, moral internalization, quality of relationship with parent, and physical abuse from that parent), three in both childhood and adulthood (mental health, aggression, and criminal or antisocial behavior) and one in adulthood alone (abuse of own children or spouse).
Gershoff found "strong associations" between corporal punishment and all eleven child behaviors and experiences. Ten of the associations were negative, such as increased aggression and decreased quality of the parent/child relationship. Only one positive appeared: more immediate compliance with parental demands.
The two largest effects of corporal punishment were immediate compliance from the child and the introduction of physical abuse by the parent. But that in itself needs defining. When does a spanking become abuse? This imaginary line is most often understood to be tied to the physical damage imposed. If the child just comes out of the situation with a glowing red bottom, it's corporal punishment. If they come out of it with a broken bone or black eye, it is considered abuse. (What category would my blood spattered nose fall into?)
The results of this meta-study were cut and dry. The more often or more harshly a child was hit, the more likely they are to be aggressive or to have mental health problems. Further, it was discovered that harshness, frequency or type of the corporal punishment had no bearing on dissuading future, repeat behavior. The study concluded that children that had been hit for an action were just as likely, and in some cases more likely, to repeat the behavior when out of the sight of the parent.
So who, then, and what is the punishment for? If it does nothing to prevent repeat behavior, is essentially ineffective, why use it? Because it allows the parent the opportunity to release their growing anger over the situation, it serves to make the parent feel better while failing to do anything productive in avoiding the repeat of future, undesirable acts on the part of the child.
But how often does a spanking become a beating? An act likely to leave permanent, physical damage? And is there any benefit at all to it, short of providing a physical outlet for the angry parent? Many further studies have shown that physical punishment — including spanking, hitting and other means of causing pain — can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury and mental health problems for children. Americans’ acceptance of physical punishment has declined since the 1960s, yet surveys show that two-thirds of Americans still approve of parents spanking their kids.
Physical punishment is not only ineffective but dangerous and harmful. But what about worldwide? In countries around the globe physical discipline is increasingly being viewed as a violation of children’s human rights. The United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child issued a directive in 2006 calling physical punishment “legalized violence against children” that should be eliminated in all settings.
The treaty that established the committee has been supported by 192 countries, with only the United States and Somalia failing to ratify it. Still feel that spanking is alright? Around the world, 30 countries have banned physical punishment of children in all settings, including the home. Although it is regularly accepted that these laws are designed more as an educational tool for parents than a means to bring criminal charges against parents who spank.
The study cited the main danger with spanking. Physical punishment doesn’t work to get kids to comply, so parents think they have to keep escalating it. That is why it is so dangerous. In fact the report recommends that parents and caregivers make every effort to avoid physical punishment and calls for the banning of physical discipline in all U.S. schools. The report has been endorsed by dozens of organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Medical Association and Psychologists for Social Responsibility.
The negative, long lasting effects of hitting children, the researchers pointed out, we're not as clean cut as they ultimately would have liked, stating that parents often under-reported the severity of the punishment and the repercussions weren't always immediate and simple to measure.
But clearly researchers agree on two points: 1) the more severe the physical punishment, the less likely the event will have any lasting positive effect for the child. In fact, the harsher the spanking, the more likely the child was to forget the lesson behind it and only remember the punishment. 2) Yet despite the subjective, personal and difficult to measure results of various studies, of hundreds and hundreds of studies around the world on the topic, there were less than a handful that showed any lasting, positive effects of corporal punishment, while the rest, the vast majority, showed strong links to later aggression, increase in criminal activity, difficulties in school, further, increased behavioral problems and increased violence toward siblings and peers.
Effective and Safe Behavior Changing Alternatives to Spanking
It would be rather fruitless to try to argue against the numerous, extensive studies that have been conducted on the topic of corporal punishment and have solidly concluded that the only two benefits of spanking a child are both short term and sadly ineffective. Yes, a spanking may drive the point of the lesson home to the child in terms of achieving immediate compliance, but does nothing to increase the likelihood that the lesson will be remembered and internalized by the child long term. In fact, quite the opposite has been proven.
Children tend to remember the pain and humiliation of the punishment and forget the heart of the lesson in direct proportion to how severe the physical punishment is. The harsher the physical infliction, the less likely the child will be to remember the lesson. Second, corporal punishment is often done out of the parent’s inability to remain calm and rational, a result of their anger getting the best of them. This poses a very serious risk that the punishment will morph into child abuse as the anger of the parent elevates. It appears that hitting a child does serve as an avenue for the angry parent to release their frustration and anger. But at what cost?
Corporal punishment creates many long-term, serious problems for the child, without contributing at all to the likelihood the behavior will be avoided by the child in the future. These problems include the child being more likely to be aggressive toward their parents, siblings, piers or others.
Additionally, physical punishment has a strong connection to increased mental problems for the child as the child gets older, not to mention the increase in criminal and antisocial behavior. It also compromises the quality of the parent/child relationship. Finally, corporal punishment runs a high risk of morphing into physical abuse, putting the child’s health and well being at serious risk.
Are there effective ways of disciplining a child and ensuring they retain the lesson without risking the side effects of corporal punishment?
According to an article on the Weebly website titled, “Alternatives to Corporal Punishment” child experts have compiled assistive information for parents seeking a more effective, less harmful and risky way of providing discipline. They cite eight foundations that need to be in place as a basis and starting point for healthy parenting in general.
These are:
1) Read parenting books and take parenting classes to educate yourself on alternative, healthy ways to provide your child discipline.
2) Give your children tons of time and attention.
3) Treat your children with respect and dignity.
4) Constantly reinforce good behavior by regularly and generously praising them for it.
5) Teach, model and explain things to your child, pointing out that children are always watching their parents for clues on how to behave.
6) Set clear and consistent boundaries.
7) Work on yourself. Learn from your mistakes and try new approaches until you find a system that works well for both you and your child.
The site also lists top ten principles that are congruent with other respectable sites in establishing positive disciplining techniques.
These top ten principles are simple, straightforward, and offer an alternative way to provide discipline and avoid spanking.
1. The Respect Principle is simple. Treat the child the same way you treat other important people in your life.
2. The Big Deal Principle means that parents make a big deal over responsible, considerate, appropriate behavior through praise and plenty of attention.
3. The Incompatible Alternative Principle involves giving the child a task that is incompatible with the undesired behavior. For instance, if the child is running around the store, give her the task of helping you pick out specific items.
4. The Choice Principle gives the child two positive choices, both of which are acceptable and will offer distraction from negative behavior.
5. When/Then, Abuse It/Lose It Principle is as simple as, “When you finish your homework, then you can watch some TV.”
6. Connect Before You Correct Principle encourages the parent to make a positive, favorable connection with the child prior to correcting a negative behavior.
7. The Validation Principle involves acknowledging and validating the child’s feelings and desires.
8. Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle means telling your child frequently that you trust their judgment, which in turns encourages them to make proper choices in order to fulfill this character actualization.
9. The Belonging and Significance Principle involves giving the child important tasks to be responsible for, which in turn helps the child to feel important by being responsible, and
10. Timer Says It’s Time Principle is setting a timer to help the child transition from one activity to another, as well as giving the child a specific time to clean up and pull themselves together, preparing for the next task.
These ten principles were specifically designed and have been found effective at teaching children of various ages the lessons critical to their development without the use of physical punishment.
It still also takes patience and consistency on the parent’s part to ensure these principles will be effective. Typically it takes an average of 9 times of presenting alternative paths for a child to adapt and stick with a new habit and break the bad, old one.
Conclusion
Children are sponges looking to their parents as examples of how to behave, both in the present, as children, and as adults when they mature. Just as my friend yelled, “Don’t hit me!” to her son and reached out, smacking him, the familiar case of “Do as I say, but not as I do” only provides a crystal clear, easy to follow example of the very behavior she was trying to eliminate, not only demonstrating it but also enforcing it as acceptable, family behavior. Presenting positive behavior to your children will provide the same results.
Children are told to sit down, be quiet, eat their food, do their homework, don’t talk back, don’t fight, don’t watch too much TV, etc., numerous times throughout their daily lives. The best way to introduce and reinforce a new, positive behavior goes beyond the repeated mention of the parent’s desired results. We must show them how we want them to behave by behaving that way ourselves, or by doing similar tasks with positive attitudes that we want them to emulate.
Demonstrating has always proven to be a more effective method of teaching a new behavior, changing an existing behavior or stopping altogether a negative one. This method also keeps parents from being hypocritical, while demonstrating first-hand how they want their children to handle themselves through their own, specific, thought out examples.
Most importantly is respect, respect in the way the parent not only treats the child, but how they treat the other parent, the neighbors, the other children in the family and any others the children will witness them interacting with. If this base trust can be established for ALL others, and the children themselves are also treated with respect, teaching new lessons and ending undesired, existing behaviors will be significantly more effective.
Corporal punishment, while perhaps achieving the immediate goal of impacting the child in a dramatic, memorable way, is actually a barbaric practice that does much more harm than it ever could do good. Truly, if hitting your child is your way of telling them “no”, or demonstrating to them that their behavior is unacceptable, then you must accept that they in turn are learning that this is the way to change the behavior of others as they go through life, leading to the possibility of violence between them and all others they come in contact with.
We can do better. With the principles and philosophies mentioned above, we can teach the lessons critical to the child’s successful path of maturity in a way that fosters respect for themselves and others and eliminates altogether the chance for physical abuse and/or harm, mental and criminal problems later on, as well as further disciplinary dilemmas, as the child focuses on the physical punishment and misses the core lesson.
Children are amazingly bright, quick to learn and eager to please. Even the most difficult and stubborn personalities have a core desire to be accepted, praised, loved and respected. Physical punishment is the unacceptable alternative to the thinking, caring, truly dedicated parent. It may be faster and more dramatic, but in the end it is far less effective in achieving long term, desired results.
We CAN do better as individual parents and as society as a whole. With a little education, thinking and planning, we can offer our children a safe, unthreatening, respectable alternative to spanking that will ultimately achieve the desired changes in behavior, but will also teach our children how to grow into productive, kind, patient, effective parents themselves someday. This creates a circle of life and family seeped in knowledge, love and respect for all.
National Statistics on Child Abuse
In 2015, an estimated 1,670 children died from abuse and neglect in the United States.1 In 2015, Children’s Advocacy Centers around the country served more than 311,0002 child victims of abuse, providing victim advocacy and support to these children and their families.
Nearly 700,000 children are abused in the U.S annually. An estimated 683,000 children (unique incidents) were victims of abuse and neglect in 2015, the most recent year for which there is national data.
CPS protects more than 3 million children. Approximately 3.4 million children received an investigation or alternative response from child protective services agencies. 2.3 million children received prevention services.
The youngest children were most vulnerable to maltreatment. Children in the first year of their life had the highest rate of victimization of 24.2 1,000 children in the national population of the same age.
Neglect is the most common form of maltreatment. Of the children who experienced maltreatment or abuse, three-quarters suffered neglect; 17.2% suffered physical abuse; and 8.4% suffered sexual abuse. (Some children are poly-victimized—they have suffered more than one form of maltreatment.)
About four out of five abusers are the victims’ parents. A parent of the child victim was the perpetrator in 78.1% of substantiated cases of child maltreatment.
